she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize