i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
