I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
