i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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