weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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