Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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