Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
