There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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