I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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