i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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