I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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