Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
