Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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