Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
