i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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