Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
