erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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