I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
