You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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