I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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