Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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