Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
