I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my being single is dangerous.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
