don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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