sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
