At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
