I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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