maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
