I can tuck mytits in my pants
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
