I like my sex mixed with concussions.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
