the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize