mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
