just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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