I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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