i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
