Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
