I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
