he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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