i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
