4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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