Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
