don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
