someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
