Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
