The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
