my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
