I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Welp...herpes.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
