I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
