dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
