there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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