Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she peed on how many people?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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