I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize