The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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