I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
