The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
