why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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