did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
