are you still at the devil's house?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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