I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize