Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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