After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
