Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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