Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
