i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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