look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
