i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This baby is an asshole
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
