I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
