Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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