I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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