Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize