i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
