So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
