I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
