I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
