Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
