I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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