Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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