I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
