Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize