How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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