so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
