woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
