I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
