she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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